This morning, I woke up sad, hurt, and hopeless. I could not
pin point where those feelings were coming from, nor could I remember having any
negative dreams. I thought maybe that the stresses of life in general were just
getting to me. I attempted to ignore and push the feelings aside. I got on with
my day.
I cleaned the house, I took a shower, I ate breakfast, I
took care of some business, and I sat down in my living room. I put a cooking
show on in hopes that it would keep me busy and possibly inspire me to be
creative. I sat there, staring at the TV, or rather through it. I did not hear
anything that the cooks were saying, nor did I want to hear anything.
I was there, in front of the television, not really
thinking, sort of in a trance...All of a sudden, I felt this intense wave of
sadness and I started to tear up. This is not like me at all, anyone that knows
me knows that I have a hard time letting myself break down in tears.
My heart felt like it was breaking and
my mind felt so heavy. I did not attempt to hold back the tears. I then decided
that more than ever I really needed to listen to my heart. It told me to do
what I have been stopping myself from freely doing for a while now; I opened my
RT news app and started to read the headlines.
I already know what’s happening around
the globe as I see posts on social networks and random news seems to always
find its way into my day... but I’ve been avoiding thinking about the state of
the world, putting it out of my mind as much as possible...I read, one article,
two, three and I stopped.
Finally it was clear to me. I didn't wake up sad, hurt and
hopeless because of anything that was directly happening in my life. I’m not
unhappy with my life; I’m not depressed about anything directly related to me.
Of course I have stresses in my own life and there are problems that I deal
with on a regular basis, but I have never been one to become depressed about my
situation. I always strive on, positively, knowing that there is a solution to
every problem, and that every stress in my life is an opportunity for growth.
Like clouds dissipating and allowing the sun to finally shine through, it was clear to me...the feelings of sadness and sorrow are coming from deep within
yet from far out there...I am feeling the pain of the world, and today, for
some reason, it is overwhelmingly strong...
This is why I share this with all of you, this is why I
write...to let these feelings flow...to maybe reach out to someone who
understands, or to show someone what many of us who feel connected deal with...
I can no longer pretend that I am not bothered by the
injustice and the inhumane way people treat each other in this world. I can no
longer wear the masks of indifference. I am not that person, I am not ignorant
to the world’s problems nor can I pretend to not be upset with humanity. I am
upset, sad, depressed and disappointed with my entire species. I have a hard
time loving everyone I meet. I have a hard time accepting how people see the
world and how people see others.
I have a really tough time, especially lately,
accepting other people’s indifference and ignorance. I try my best to bite my
tongue, I try my best to be understanding and patient, I try to remind myself
that everyone is where they are for a reason, I try not to judge. But this is becoming more and more difficult
for me, and it is affecting who I am, negatively...
Lately, it seems the universe is throwing so many tests my
way in the form of people’s opinions and peoples behaviors towards me, and
today, I feel as though I am failing every single one of these tests.
I am not perfect and I have made so many mistakes, and
continue to make mistakes. I do not have a perfect view of the world, nor do I
believe I am better than anyone else out there. My beliefs change and evolve. I
continuously grow and transform. But there is something that I know about
myself, something concrete and unchanging...
I am a good person, my heart is
humble and my intentions are pure and honorable. I know that I want justice and
peace for every part of creation. I know that I am open-minded and that I am
willing to learn and to broaden my horizons. I know that I have empathy and
real compassion...and I know that my compassion is not limited to one group of
people, or even to one group of living things.
I cannot comprehend
how people can be so indifferent towards life, all of life...
I do not understand why people are indifferent towards the
state of the world and the chaos that exists.
I cannot comprehend why so many humans ignore the serious
and urgent need for change.
I cannot understand
why some people believe their lives are worth more than a person living in
another country.
Being Canadian, American, German, Brazilian, etc, does not
make you a better person. Your nationality does not make you good or bad. You
are not a good guy because you are American, British, French or Canadian, and
you are not a bad guy because you are Russian, Iranian, Pakistani or Afghani. Do you understand my point?
Hollywood....ugh....
I started consciously feeling this way at about 12 years
old. I could remember how I felt after seeing the news and learning about
history in school. After learning about the Native Americans and how North
America became the way it is today. I could remember feeling hurt and sad for
all the murder that took place and continues to take place.
I could remember
learning about Nazi Germany and feeling a deep regret and sympathy in my soul.
I could remember watching movies about American history, about
slaves and racist societies, about the American civil war, and feeling
connected to the hurt.
Every time I learned about injustice, about genocide, about
inequality, it was almost as if I was directly related to the victims.
To the Jews that have been murdered, tortured and the ones
who suffered in the concentration camps.
To the Africans that were shipped like cattle to the United
States, who were taken away from their lives, to serve as slaves.
To the Native Americans that had their cultures, their way
of life and their lives destroyed.
To the countless women that have been treated like lesser
beings throughout history, and who continue to fight the greatest war ever fought
against inequality.
To the Palestinians who are kicked out of their homes, off
their farms, who are tortured and murdered every day for the past 70 years.
To the millions of creatures who are mistreated, tortured
and mutilated because we think they exist for our pleasure and consumption.
To the countless floras that are chopped up, stepped on, and
destroyed to build more condos, business, and factories that pollute and
destroy the environment.
To the massive pieces of land ripped up for profit and for
human over- consumption...so that we can fill our gas tanks, launch our
rockets, and burn, burn, burn....
On, and on and on....
ALL of these victims are a part of my family.
How can I not feel the sorrow? How can I not feel the pain
and the loss? I am not a direct victim, but a part of me feels everything that
these victims feel and have felt...and it’s painful...and I pray that it
stops...centuries have passed, and not much has changed.
More compassion is needed, real compassion...not the bullshit
that is sold to you by some pompous asshole in your houses of worship.
How can you, yes you, sit there and tell me that your life
is more important than the lives out there.
How can you seriously defend your illusion? How can you
justify that your way of life, or any other life, is more important than that
of a Palestinian life, or than that of a tree in the Amazon?
How can you truly believe and feel that your patriotism
serves you or this world in a positive way? Did patriotism serve the world or
make it a better place in Nazi Germany? What about Mao's China, Pol Pot's Cambodia, Stalin's
Soviet Union, Amin's Uganda, etc?
How can you truly convince yourself that your flag defines
your humanity?
How can you label yourself as more important? How can you
say that your nation deserves more than any other?
Wake up from your self-loathing, arrogant, egotistical, self
righteous ways of thinking....
You are not more important than any other living or even non
living thing on this planet. No part of creation in the entire expanding
universe is less important than you are.
Your life is not more significant than the spider you just
crushed, nor are you better than the animal you just consumed.
I’m not saying you should look down on yourself, I’m not
saying you should never kill a spider and never eat any animal...What I am
saying is that your ungrateful behavior adds more chaos to the world....and
leads to over-consumption and desensitization.
So, after holding my tongue for so long, I need to let this
out....I say this to all the so called religious people, spiritual people, and
to all the beings that are constantly acting in opposition to the teachings of
compassion and love. I say this to you, and you, and you - “You say that you
are kind and that you deserve a good life, yet you treat others as if they are
lower than you. You say that you are righteous
yet you use others to serve your own needs and wants, without ever thinking about
their needs and wants. You put on a facade of being this saintly and grown
human, you think you know better, yet you show no sign of that being. You have
no compassion towards the feelings of others and you pick and choose, out of
your own convenience and self delusion which person deserves and does not
deserve your compassion...Being compassionate is not limited, it is
unlimited...therefore your compassion is not true, it is very false...I see
through you, and it won’t be long before your illusion is shattered”
FEEL, that is where it starts. See them as you see yourself,
without borders, or flags, or national anthems. Release all pride and
patriotism. Release your false notion of belonging to a limited tribe....Know
that you could be them, rather, you ARE them.
Know that every victim on this planet is connected to you
and that everything that is done to them will eventually hurt you.
Know that your way of life is not more important than that
of any other form of life on this planet.
Feel the sorrow of
others as if it were your own.
Welcome the rest of creation into your heart, and know that
your family is unlimited...
Only then will we be able to truly have peace and healing everywhere and for everyone.
